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THE BUSINESS OF MEETING OTHERS
Is anybody out there?
Where and how to meet congenial new people are particularly
vexatious considerations in the search for a new partner.
Many of us come out of our marriages into a social scene that
is very different from that of twenty or so years before.
We are latter day Rip van Winkles. Everything has altered.
The singles scene is a foreign country, and we don't speak
the language anymore. The following comments from people we
interviewed have probably been uttered in one form or another
by most mid-life people in search of a new relationship:
- 'When I was young you just kept bumping into other single
people. Now the only women I meet are married.'
- 'I'm not into the pub scene, and I really don't know where
to go to meet men. I have joined a few evening classes and
things like that, but they all seem to be full of other
women.'
- 'Statistically, I know there are thousands of separated
and divorced women out there, but I never seem to meet them.'
In general, the mid-life person hoping to find a partner
can be left feeling totally lost at where to begin. Most of
us will sympathise with our mid-life single friends whose
immediate response on accessing the Internet is to type in
the search words 'MEN' or 'WOMEN'.
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... Barbara Ellen writes light-heartedly that women often
settle for unappealing partners because of 'scaremongering
articles that throw insane statistics around, such as, '"For
every 300 single women, there is one unattached man and he
is gay." What rot. I know plenty of single men who are totally
bloody miserable'.
Forty-three year-old Rachel also counters this conventional
lore. She tells of placing an ad in one of the 'Lonely Hearts
Club' columns in the local newspaper and being stunned at
the response. She stopped checking in on the telephone mailbox-where
people wanting to respond to her ad could leave messages-when
the responses reached number 50. That was over a two-week
period, and the ad ran for seven weeks. 'I wouldn't say my
ad was any sort of big come on,' she says, 'more that there
is a lot of loneliness out there, and guys who don't know
how to go about meeting women.'
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... The chemistry of attraction is so complex that often
we have to meet many people in order to find a compatible
dinner date let alone a long-term soulmate. We may need to
see someone repeatedly, to know something of their circumstances
and their personality, before we perceive their potential
as a possible partner. Old friends can sometimes make the
transition. Simon had known Val from childhood. With a shared
background and interests, they began spending more time in
each other's company after their respective marriages ended,
eventually 'drifting into a closer relationship'. She helped
him resolve some of the anger he felt towards his ex-wife.
He showed her, for the first time in her life, that sex could
be fulfilling and enjoyable. The closer relationship turned
out to be transitional, but their friendship endures.
If the above stories exemplify our attitudes to and experiences
of seeking out other compatible singles, then we are not alone.
However, with so many single people currently available and
market forces being what they are, there are an increasing
number of advisors and agencies eager to come to our assistance
...
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